Well kids, I have a crazy week ahead of me. To start, one of my best friends is flying in for a week tomorrow, and I'm super excited to hang out with her. I'm leaving the house at 5:00 AM tomorrow to pick her up from the airport in Las Vegas. I'm excited for her to meet Sky and see my ring and my wedding shoes and help me with a big project to surprise Sky for his birthday.
Skyler found a house. It's a major fixer-upper, but the price is right, and if we haggle it just right, and we get approved for a loan, you just might be listening to the ridiculous ramblings of a homeowner soon. :) The sooner we make this happen, the more time we'll have to work on the house and have it ready to live in by May.
Fingers crossed.
The other day I was desperate for pants to wear (it was laundry day) so I frantically dug through a bag in the hallway that is bound for the D.I.. Inside said bag was a pair of jeans that haven't fit since I was 19. I decided the need was severe enough, I pulled them on, buttoned them, and zipped them. With ease. I was so shocked, I made up a dance.
The tiny pants dance.
It involves a whole bunch of hip wiggling, and saying "tiny pants dance!"
It's pretty amazing.
Shopping for engagement photo outfits tomorrow, long school day Wednesday followed by Sky's birthday party, engagement shoot on Thursday followed by karate and my surprise for Sky, and work Friday and Saturday. Yeesh.
Well, if life has taught me anything, it's that I'm awesome.
Keep it real readers.
The random, often far-too-honest ramblings of everyone's favorite "chicken".
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Minor Ramblings, Followed By A Total Gush-Fest
Today Skyler and I went to our first Parade of Homes together. I wasn't sure how he was going to fare with it, but I must say, my favorite part was watching him. His reactions were quite possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. We had a great time together, strolling through houses holding hands, admiring decorations and furniture and fixtures, and making fun of all of the houses with Southwestern themes. Seriously, that has been done WAY too much. At any rate, we had a great time together, and we're planning on going again later in the week to get as many houses done as possible.
The wedding is creeping ever closer. It's only 80 days away. 80 DAYS! My dress should be here in a few weeks, and it is officially a perfect fit. It isn't much longer until it will be too big.
The last few days we've been searching for places to live after the wedding, and we actually found something promising. We're not sure how it's going to go yet, but I'll keep you posted on how things pan out.
My mom got an AMAZING mother of the bride dress, and I'm so excited to see her rocking it on the dance floor. My dad found the most perfect hot pink dress shirt I've ever seen, and he looks amazing in it.
I tried on a shirt today at Sky's urging that a month ago I wouldn't dream of fitting into. It fit. For a second I was elated, then I felt self-conscious, then I came out of the dressing room to show Sky, then, feeling his eyes on me as he told me I looked cute, I felt more self-conscious, then I started to panic a little, so I wrapped my arms around myself and went back in the dressing room and took it off, putting back on my loose-fitting fat clothes. Imagine how weird I'll feel when he sees me naked? Eesh. Scary.
Anyway, other than that, life is good. Apparently I look great, even though I have a lot more weight to lose, and I have just as much body shame as I ever did. Skyler loves me more than ever, and my adorable sock monkey that smells like him is proof of that, not to mention the adorable homemade poster he made for me that is covered in things he loves about me. When I saw it on Valentine's Day, I cried like a little girl. I have never cried tears of joy quite like that before.
Oh, speaking of Skyler, he went out of town for blackbelt training over the weekend, and the weather was a little scary, so naturally I was worried. I actually stewed about it for a few days, and had a nightmare that something awful had happened to him in his travels. I was actually nervous for him. I kept wondering what I would do if something had happened to him, and I couldn't bear the thought of my life without him in it. When I got that message Sunday afternoon that he had made it safe and sound, I breathed a sigh of relief that could probably be heard from miles around.
I love that kid. I can't wait to be his wife.
Keep it real readers.
The wedding is creeping ever closer. It's only 80 days away. 80 DAYS! My dress should be here in a few weeks, and it is officially a perfect fit. It isn't much longer until it will be too big.
The last few days we've been searching for places to live after the wedding, and we actually found something promising. We're not sure how it's going to go yet, but I'll keep you posted on how things pan out.
My mom got an AMAZING mother of the bride dress, and I'm so excited to see her rocking it on the dance floor. My dad found the most perfect hot pink dress shirt I've ever seen, and he looks amazing in it.
I tried on a shirt today at Sky's urging that a month ago I wouldn't dream of fitting into. It fit. For a second I was elated, then I felt self-conscious, then I came out of the dressing room to show Sky, then, feeling his eyes on me as he told me I looked cute, I felt more self-conscious, then I started to panic a little, so I wrapped my arms around myself and went back in the dressing room and took it off, putting back on my loose-fitting fat clothes. Imagine how weird I'll feel when he sees me naked? Eesh. Scary.
Anyway, other than that, life is good. Apparently I look great, even though I have a lot more weight to lose, and I have just as much body shame as I ever did. Skyler loves me more than ever, and my adorable sock monkey that smells like him is proof of that, not to mention the adorable homemade poster he made for me that is covered in things he loves about me. When I saw it on Valentine's Day, I cried like a little girl. I have never cried tears of joy quite like that before.
Oh, speaking of Skyler, he went out of town for blackbelt training over the weekend, and the weather was a little scary, so naturally I was worried. I actually stewed about it for a few days, and had a nightmare that something awful had happened to him in his travels. I was actually nervous for him. I kept wondering what I would do if something had happened to him, and I couldn't bear the thought of my life without him in it. When I got that message Sunday afternoon that he had made it safe and sound, I breathed a sigh of relief that could probably be heard from miles around.
I love that kid. I can't wait to be his wife.
Keep it real readers.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Recurring Dream
Don't worry readers, this isn't a diet update. Those are only on Fridays. :) On a similar note, I'm happy to say I have successfully repressed my urge for self-destructive behavior. It's floating around in the back of my mind, and truth be told it's always there, but I didn't act on my urge, and I'm really proud of myself. I think my new meds have helped. A lot of my obsessive behaviors are considerably better too. I only washed my hands six times yesterday. Compared to 15 that's insane.
But that's not the purpose of this post.
When I was a little girl I had a dream that I was sledding and I crashed and landed face-down in the snow, and a little boy helped me up, brushed the snow off me, and walked me home.
Last night I had the same dream. I was 7 years old all over again, my long chestnut hair was pulled into a ponytail, wearing a too-big pair of snow pants, and I felt the sting of the cold snow on my face all over again as I whitewashed myself.
Then I felt the hand of the familiar stranger grab my hand and help me up, tears streaming down my face, and when I saw his face, it wasn't the same face I remembered. The smooth, dimpled face I remembered was covered in freckles. His blond hair was now a vibrant shade of red. The tears of pain I was crying turned into tears of joy, and I threw my little arms around him.
Then I woke up.
It was an interesting experience, remembering that dream I had so long ago, and actually wrote about it in a book I've been working on for about a year.
Anyway, I thought I'd share that with you readers.
Keep it real. :)
But that's not the purpose of this post.
When I was a little girl I had a dream that I was sledding and I crashed and landed face-down in the snow, and a little boy helped me up, brushed the snow off me, and walked me home.
Last night I had the same dream. I was 7 years old all over again, my long chestnut hair was pulled into a ponytail, wearing a too-big pair of snow pants, and I felt the sting of the cold snow on my face all over again as I whitewashed myself.
Then I felt the hand of the familiar stranger grab my hand and help me up, tears streaming down my face, and when I saw his face, it wasn't the same face I remembered. The smooth, dimpled face I remembered was covered in freckles. His blond hair was now a vibrant shade of red. The tears of pain I was crying turned into tears of joy, and I threw my little arms around him.
Then I woke up.
It was an interesting experience, remembering that dream I had so long ago, and actually wrote about it in a book I've been working on for about a year.
Anyway, I thought I'd share that with you readers.
Keep it real. :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Proving To Be A Problem
Well readers, I lasted three weeks before it started to set in.
Ever since I was a teenager, I haven't been able to diet, because then I start obsessing about the calories I take in, and then I start counting them compulsively, which turns into me eating as few as I possibly can, which eventually takes me back to the place I was in a number of years ago, which I would not like to go back to.
I felt myself start to obsess today, and it scared me. I have been making so much progress, and I was feeling so great about myself, but I got to work today, I looked in the mirror, and I thought, "Ew, look at that disgusting beast." That beast was me.
I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, and in the grand scheme of things I am making tremendous progress, but that little voice that plagued me as a teenager just roared at me today.
I guess this is another case of hypoglycemia saving my life. If I don't eat at regular intervals, I literally lose consciousness.
I just end up hating myself and exercising obsessively.
Time to hit prayer hardcore. I just have to keep plugging away at life, and I guess avoid mirrors for a few days.
Wish me luck.
Keep it real readers.
Ever since I was a teenager, I haven't been able to diet, because then I start obsessing about the calories I take in, and then I start counting them compulsively, which turns into me eating as few as I possibly can, which eventually takes me back to the place I was in a number of years ago, which I would not like to go back to.
I felt myself start to obsess today, and it scared me. I have been making so much progress, and I was feeling so great about myself, but I got to work today, I looked in the mirror, and I thought, "Ew, look at that disgusting beast." That beast was me.
I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, and in the grand scheme of things I am making tremendous progress, but that little voice that plagued me as a teenager just roared at me today.
I guess this is another case of hypoglycemia saving my life. If I don't eat at regular intervals, I literally lose consciousness.
I just end up hating myself and exercising obsessively.
Time to hit prayer hardcore. I just have to keep plugging away at life, and I guess avoid mirrors for a few days.
Wish me luck.
Keep it real readers.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Project Ocean Sunrise Neptune
Well readers, another week has passed, and I have lost another four pounds, which takes me to a grand total of 12 pounds lost. I've lost another inch to an inch and a half off of my circumferencial areas, and I'm feeling better than ever.
My clothes are starting to hang off me, which I have to say I totally love. My rings are starting to spin and slide, which makes me a little bit nervous since I recently accidentally found out how much one of them costs. Yikes is all I can say.
Anyway, life is good, I haven't felt better in years, I feel my muscles starting to show under my skin, I feel my ribs when I lay down, and I feel so strong. My push-ups are getting better, my sit-ups are getting better, I can do jumping jacks all day, and for the first time in a long time, I actually want to lace up my tennis shoes and run. I want to run like a Kenyan. Miles and miles. I used to run 16 miles a week, and I remember how free I felt, and I want it. I need to find my freedom again, so I can focus better in the rest of my life.
So much to do. SO MUCH!
Keep it real readers.
My clothes are starting to hang off me, which I have to say I totally love. My rings are starting to spin and slide, which makes me a little bit nervous since I recently accidentally found out how much one of them costs. Yikes is all I can say.
Anyway, life is good, I haven't felt better in years, I feel my muscles starting to show under my skin, I feel my ribs when I lay down, and I feel so strong. My push-ups are getting better, my sit-ups are getting better, I can do jumping jacks all day, and for the first time in a long time, I actually want to lace up my tennis shoes and run. I want to run like a Kenyan. Miles and miles. I used to run 16 miles a week, and I remember how free I felt, and I want it. I need to find my freedom again, so I can focus better in the rest of my life.
So much to do. SO MUCH!
Keep it real readers.
Friday, February 04, 2011
Measurable Progress
Well readers, it's been two weeks since I embarked on Project Ocean Sunrise Neptune, and I have to say, things are looking good. I've lost 8 pounds so far, and I've lost an inch and a half on all of my circumferencial areas. (Bust, band, waist, hips)
I have to say, this is pretty exciting readers. Not much further until my wedding dress will be a perfect fit, and any more than that will cause me to travel to the nearest seamstress to have it taken in. I have one thing to say to that:
HOORAY!!!
Life is good. Nay, life is great. I haven't had measurable progress like this while on a similar project since I was 16, and let's just say my methods were far more self-destructive then.
Still layering up though. I'm shrinking a lot faster than I thought I would, and hiding it from Skyler is going to prove more difficult the longer I go. I'm still determined to surprise him however, and wearing clothes that are excellent camouflage along with layering is getting interesting. I'm not going to buy any new clothes until right before engagement photos are taken (in three weeks) to ensure a perfect fit, since I'm losing weight in buckets.
This little deception of mine is getting so much fun!
Keep it real readers.
I have to say, this is pretty exciting readers. Not much further until my wedding dress will be a perfect fit, and any more than that will cause me to travel to the nearest seamstress to have it taken in. I have one thing to say to that:
HOORAY!!!
Life is good. Nay, life is great. I haven't had measurable progress like this while on a similar project since I was 16, and let's just say my methods were far more self-destructive then.
Still layering up though. I'm shrinking a lot faster than I thought I would, and hiding it from Skyler is going to prove more difficult the longer I go. I'm still determined to surprise him however, and wearing clothes that are excellent camouflage along with layering is getting interesting. I'm not going to buy any new clothes until right before engagement photos are taken (in three weeks) to ensure a perfect fit, since I'm losing weight in buckets.
This little deception of mine is getting so much fun!
Keep it real readers.
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