Getting My Other Half Back

It's been a crazy week readers.

Tuesday I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and by the end of the day I was begging for forgiveness.

Wednesday I was numb with regret.  I was hopped up on way too many psychotropics to even feel like myself anymore.  I couldn't even maintain a thought.

Thursday I thought I was going to be OK, but every second I was alone I was crying.  I eventually did pull myself together for company, but my night was wasted in sighs.

Friday we got together and tried to talk about what happened, and it didn't go very well, so there was more crying, followed by more self loathing, followed by just plain depression.

Saturday I was too exhausted to cry anymore.  I was just drifting through my day, my hair not done, my makeup barely on, resigning to the fact that I had messed up too much thanks to my own fear, and I didn't think I was ever going to be happy again.  I left him alone for the day, letting him hate me because I hated me.

Until he texted me.

He merely asked me if I was working, but seeing that text message, seeing it was from him, I felt tears sting my eyes and my breath caught in my throat.

We had a brief, pleasant conversation, which took a negative tone as he began to talk about his dog, who has been really sick.  I expressed my concern, to which he replied how it would suck if he lost both him and me in the same week.

All I could say was I was still here.

"I know," he said.

The familiar sting came back to my eyes as I revealed my wish to take back Tuesday.

I nearly swallowed my tongue at his reply.  "Maybe you can."

He told me he would be over later, and at that point I couldn't stop shaking.  I thought I was going to throw up.  I could barely keep my hands steady to put on a little eyeliner and lip gloss so I didn't look completely pathetic looking.

When he finally came over he asked me to go for a drive with him.  I kept my hands in my lap, staring at them in anticipation.

What happened next I didn't expect.

He started telling me how different and strange I was.  How he thought it was weird I liked bleu cheese and not maple bars, how I liked drawing and Lego's but not dolls and ponies as a kid, how I love to touch literally everything, whether it belongs to someone else or not.

But despite all of those weird things about me, we have all kinds of deep, important things in common, and that's important in a relationship.

He then told me what he went through the four previous days, from heartbreak to anger to confusion, to more anger.

Then we stopped.

And he told me he loved me.  He really loved me, and he wants our relationship to continue.  Not in a few months, not in a few weeks, but right away.

Not without a condition though.  I have to trust him.  I have to trust that he's not going to hurt me, and he's going to try to earn that trust.

I think that's a condition I can live with.

So we snuggled up and watched a movie.  As I relaxed in his arms, I felt the safety and relief of being home.

All is right with the world once again.  My heart is whole.

Keep it real readers.