Coming To Terms

After spilling the information that my mother insisted was a potential dealbreaker to Sky, I'm happy to announce I'm still in a relationship.

The last week or so has been very introspective for me. I've been dealing with issues in the past that I've been struggling to let go of, and it's been very therapeutic for me. Since I've been having a lot more free time than I've usually had lately, I spent a lot of that time doing things for me that I needed to do, like catching up on my TiVo and cleaning my room, as well as sorting out issues in my life that need to be dealt with before I move forward.

The big one was coming to terms with the fact that someone who was supposed to love me my whole life and help take care of me and support me growing up has never loved me. She instead used every opportunity she had to ruin my self-esteem and drive me to self-destructive and potentially dangerous behavior. Something I've been struggling to come back from and forgive myself for now that I'm older and wiser. Because of her I struggle with basic relationship necessities like trust among other things. However, I can take solace in the fact that I never have to see her again, and furthermore, she'll be dead soon.

Another thing I've been struggling to come to terms with is a new feeling in my life I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing in my own life. Love. Real, serious, hardcore love for someone outside of my family. That "I want to marry you" love.

I feel it. I feel it when I look at him, when I talk to him, when I think about him, all the time.

It's a hard thing to admit to myself after believing for so long that I was never going to find it, but I'm working on it.

I just don't want to say it first.

Keep it real readers.