Poor Mommy

Readers, my heart is heavy.

Today I'm on the tail end of the best night's sleep I've had in weeks.  It was amazing.  I went to bed around 11:30 and when my alarm went off at 8 am, I was awake and ready to face the day. 

A few days ago I went shopping with my mom for extra plates and my veil, and let's just say while at the end of the day we got everything we set out to get, the means did not justify the end.

I was just focusing on what we were setting out to get that day, but my mom started asking me about things that either A) were Skyler's responsibility, or B) were going to be focussed on later this week.  After only so much, my patience began to wear thin, and after so explaining one of the forementioned reasons I wasn't worrying about a specific wedding-related subject, finally I started snapping at my mom, and that turned into a little bit of yelling.  She just wilted after that.

I felt awful.  I couldn't believe I was so awful to my mom.  She actually told me she didn't want to talk to me for a few days.  I don't blame her. 

16 more days.

Keep it real readers.

The Lower End of the 20's

Readers, it is offically 25 days until I become Karen Gubler. 

I'm so excited!  I love Skyler so much, and everything about him makes me so happy.  His nicknames for me, the way he can always make me smile, the way he knows exactly what I'm thinking, his honesty, the way he smells, everything about him.  When I see his face when I mess up and hurt him, it kills me.  I've never cared about another person's feelings like I care about his.  All I want is to make him happy.  I want his happiness more than anything.

I got my dress to zip, which is freakin' awesome.  My waist looks so tiny in it!  I had Robert snap a picture of me in it so I could send it to my bridesmaids, and I just can't believe how beautiful it is.  Furthermore, I can't believe how much weight I've lost.  I don't feel that much different.  I mean, I feel lighter, and my knee that used to bother me doesn't hurt anymore, but seeing myself every day, it's hard to notice a difference day to day.  I actually had to compare it to a picture from December to see the difference.  Sure my pants are looser, my shirts are looser, I had to buy smaller bras, but I haven't noticed the day-to-day.  Customers left and right are telling me they see the difference and tell me I look great.  I just see the love handles that are still there. 

Anyway, I'm just waiting on the last two dresses and one more pair of shoes to show up, then everyone will have their outfits for the big day. 

I'm so excited to be married to my best friend!

Keep it real readers.

30 Days

So much can happen in 30 days readers.  In 30 days I'm going to be a married woman.  In a mere 30 days last summer I went from being single to being in a committed relationship.  30 days can change everything.

I'm SO EXCITED!!!

Anyway, on the way to school this morning Rob and I ran out of gas.  We were a mere feet from a gas station, when Rob announced that he forgot his phone, and we had to turn around and get it.  We made it home, back down our street, and about 50 feet down the next street before we ran out.  If Rob had remembered his phone, we would have made it, and we would have been on time for school.  Bleh. 

Oh well.  It happens.

My wedding dress came on Monday, and as you know, I ordered a size and a half too small, in hopes that I would shrink the 4 1/2 inches to fit into it. 

One word.  Almost.  It is literally 1 inch too tight in one little place, around my ribs right under my boobs.  Talk about frustrating.  So I hopped online and ordered a corset that goes up to right under my bust that'll cinch up everything the inch I need. 

Other than that, it's beautiful.  It's everything I could have dreamed of.  It's tea-length, sweet, and adorable.  Utter perfection. 

Like I said, perfection. 

I'm so excited.  Dr. Seuss once said that true happiness is marrying your best friend.  Well, I'm happy to say I am.  We went from indifferent acquaintances to slightly annoyed at one another's existence, to friends, to special friends, to best friends, and now we're literally going to be best friends forever. 

Only 30 more days. :)

Keep it real readers, and don't forget to be awesome.

Crappy Night

Well readers, last night I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep.  I just laid there, and I began to get more and more inside my own head.

I hate that feeling.  I started picking apart little things about me.  I started feeling like how much I hate my body.  I really do.  I hate the squishy parts, the lumps and bumps, the bruises, even my scars.  I hide it all under layers and layers of clothing.  Tons of makeup.  Silly glasses.  Feet upon feet of hair.  A loud laugh and big words.  I use it all to hide...me.

I am so scared for May.  I won't have all my layers of clothes.  I won't have my makeup.  I won't really have my big words, and at some points I won't have my glasses.  Or my laugh.  I will be naked in every possible way.  I can't even fathom how that will make me feel.  I can't hide from someone I'll sleep right next to.  Hopefully he'll take out his contacts and he won't be able to see me.

That made me wake up in a foul mood.  Very foul.  I wore a bag of a shirt to work and wore my hair down to work.

I hate nights like that. 

Keep it real readers.  May your nights be better than mine was last night.

Incredulous

That is the word I am using to describe my feelings about life right now.  Incredulous.

Yesterday was awesome.  I started out the day with my karate test, which I think I did pretty well at.  Then I ran home to shower so I could tutor one of my mom's students in geometry.

After that, my mother and I ventured out to the church distribution store, where we picked out my temple dress. That's right readers, I officially have my dress for the temple.  The dress I am actually going to get married in.  It's just so crazy that I saw it, I tried it on, and I knew that was the one.  It has a collar, and buttons, and it is so me I couldn't believe it.  After that we headed over to Morgan Jewelers to look at wedding bands for Skyler.  I was listening to the salesmen go on about diamonds and gold, but something was drawing me down the counter. That's when I saw it.  A shiny cobalt band with a black stripe.  I asked to see it, and I knew I found it.  My husband's wedding ring.  I wasn't planning on it, but I bought it right there.  It ended up being almost half price.

After a movie date with my mom, I headed over to Skyler's to show him the spoils of my adventures.

He told me the ring I got was the one he actually really wanted, and he tried it on when he was buying mine.  Then we got down to business and began working on our love nest.  As he was painting the bedroom closet, I was putting down the first coat in the living room.

At one point I was turning to put more paint on my roller, and I watched him as he was doing some edge work.  I just thought, "Wow, that's him.  That's my guy," as I smiled to myself.

39 more days until we're married.  I just can't believe how fast time has gone by.  I can't believe someone can feel so much love for another person.  I am in awe of him.

Well readers, I have to go hop in the shower so I can go over to my honey's house.

Keep it real, and don't forget to be awesome.

Preparing The Nest

Well readers, I'm coming clean.  The first few months of my impending marriage will be spent in the basement of Skyler's parents' house.  Yeah.  I'm not exactly thrilled about it.  The idea of starting our life together on our own, where I take care of my husband and he takes care of me, and we figure things out on our own.

Well, maybe after a few months of saving and paying off some stuff we'll be able to make a go of it.

Anyway, after some hours of cleaning and moving things around, Sky and I started painting our future "love nest" today.  It took four coats of primer in one room just to cover the navy blue stripes that covered the bottom half of the walls in one room, and we put on one coat of paint in our future bedroom.  I can happily announce that it is going to be a cheery shade of "Summer Town."  The bottom half of the walls will be a nice deep teal for a punch of color.  It'll look really good when it's all done.  After the painting is done then we'll just have to change out the molding, see about adding crown molding and the molding around the middle of the room, and then carpet/flooring.

Then comes the furniture.  We're going to get everything all set up so that when we come back from the honeymoon it's all ready for us.

We're thinking San Diego.  :-)

43 days until the wedding.  Yeah, I'm freaking out a little.  I'm starting to worry whether or not I'm ready, or if I'm cut out for this, or if anything changes with us if he'll still feel the same way about me, or me about him.  What if I'm infertile?  What if he is?  What if I'm in a tragic accident and become permanently disfigured?  What if I get some sort of chronic illness and he has to take care of me?  What if something happens and I gain a bunch of weight?

Maybe it's just cold feet.  I don't know, I've never been in this situation before.  I love Skyler.  I do.  I want to marry him.  I want nothing more than to wake up next to him every morning, fall asleep next to him every night, eventually have his children, build a life with him, make a home for him, grow old with him.  I do.  More than anything.  I'm just so...nervous.  This is the biggest step a person can take in their life, and here I am, at the tender age of 22, taking this step.

The funny part is it's with someone that, a year ago I didn't even give a thought to.

At any rate, here I am.  I'm stepping into this whole new life.  New name, new address, new family, I'm even getting a new phone number.

Keep it real readers.

Lookin' Good

Well readers, let me catch you up.

Last week was spring break, which I started by hitting the ground running.  I cleaned out my entire 12 sq. ft. closet and donated four garbage bags of clothes and shoes to the D.I..  Then my shelves collapsed on me, so I rebuild them and put everything back on them.

It took all of about a day and a half, and most of it occurred in the middle of the night.  I don't sleep well when I'm in the middle of projects.

Anyway, my mother convinced me into heading down to Phoenix for a couple of days to visit my aunt.  We left on Wednesday night after I got off work, which turned out to be around 9:30.  We, meaning my mother, my big brother Rob, and me, got to Flagstaff around 1:30 in the morning, where we spent the night.  It was quite the coup, because we all got our own bed, and Rob even got his own little room, which worked out pretty awesome for my mother and me because he snores like a helicopter.

We hit the road around 10 the next morning, and made it to my aunt's house around 1:30.  We spent the better part of that day just catching up, and I had to show my aunt some of our wedding stuff (i.e. the dress, bridesmaid dresses, shoes, venues, engagements, the ring, the cake, etc.), which she just gushed over.  Hooray for good taste!

The next few days were intense.  We saw the famous "Mystery Castle" built by a man during the depression on the outskirts of the city.  It turns out he was diagnosed with tuberculosis, so he left his wife and daughter in Oregon and moved to Phoenix.  He ended up living for a number of years after that, and died of a heart attack in 1945 (apparently he was misdiagnosed).  When word traveled to his family of his passing, and that he had left this pretty epic house in the middle of the desert to them, they immediately picked up and moved to Phoenix and into the house.  They lived in it for 65 years.  Well, his daughter did.  His wife died in 1970.  His daughter just passed away last November at the age of 87.

Then we did a little shopping.  I was on the hunt for the perfect purse, and I had to find something adorable and age-appropriate for my aunt.  She's a little fashionably challenged.

The next day Rob and I were tired of sitting around the house all morning so we grabbed my mom's droid and went on our own adventure around the city.  First we headed to Tempe, but it was completely crazy because of Spring Break at ASU.  Our journey then took us to Scottsdale, which wasn't much better because of Spring Training (don't tell my dad!).  There were people in baseball jerseys everywhere.  Talk about insane.

We ended our adventure at the Mesa Temple, where we enjoyed the fresh air that was heavy with the smell of citrus.  We learned that all over the grounds are orange, grapefruit, and one kumquat tree.  It was really cool, and it was nice to get in a little spiritual edification.

After that we were spent, and headed back to the house where we had turkey dinner.

I was welcomed home the next evening with some awesome snuggle action from my luscious fiancée.  All was right with the world.


Well readers, after almost a solid two months, I'm happy to announce that Operation Ocean Sunrise Neptune is still in full swing, and is still successful.  I feel good, I look good, and now Sky is really starting to like what he sees.  I still have those words he said to me just before new year's burned in the back of my brain, and I can't help but still feel self-conscious when he looks at me.  I still have this nagging fear that he's going to look at me that first night and be completely repulsed by what he sees.

Anyway, keep it real readers.