Crappy Night

Well readers, last night I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep.  I just laid there, and I began to get more and more inside my own head.

I hate that feeling.  I started picking apart little things about me.  I started feeling like how much I hate my body.  I really do.  I hate the squishy parts, the lumps and bumps, the bruises, even my scars.  I hide it all under layers and layers of clothing.  Tons of makeup.  Silly glasses.  Feet upon feet of hair.  A loud laugh and big words.  I use it all to hide...me.

I am so scared for May.  I won't have all my layers of clothes.  I won't have my makeup.  I won't really have my big words, and at some points I won't have my glasses.  Or my laugh.  I will be naked in every possible way.  I can't even fathom how that will make me feel.  I can't hide from someone I'll sleep right next to.  Hopefully he'll take out his contacts and he won't be able to see me.

That made me wake up in a foul mood.  Very foul.  I wore a bag of a shirt to work and wore my hair down to work.

I hate nights like that. 

Keep it real readers.  May your nights be better than mine was last night.