Oh-So Blessed

Readers, it has been over six months since my last post.

Life has been, to say the least, madness. I have been so incredibly busy with life and school and karate and work that I have been a bit overwhelmed with life.

Recently however, I can say that I have a little less on my plate as far as being spread as thin as I was. I quit one of my jobs over the Christmas break, and just typing that makes the corners of my lips curl up in a slight smile. It feels good to have one less thing to worry about. While I will miss some of my regulars that I get to see all the time, and I will miss some of my coworkers, all in all I am at peace with my decision, and I will shed no tears on this matter.

This past six months have been transformative. Not just for me, but for Sky, our business, and our future as well. I hit the ground running when 26 hit. I was training hardcore for my impending black belt test, we were at odds with the people we were subletting from, and Sky was grappling with some major decisions as far as our business was concerned.

Last summer, we began advertising in Dixie Direct Green Pages. On top of that, we decided to take the plunge and move to our own location with our karate studio. No more subletting for us. Our first month in our new location we made just under $100 more than our rent, but we were determined to grow and make it work. We were paying almost 3x the rent we were paying when we were subletting, but this was a fact we had to deal with. However, we made it work. We got some paint, a whole bunch of cleaner, and some rags and we set to work. We painted the whole studio in a weekend, and did whatever smaller improvements we could over weekends, Improving the studio bit by bit. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. We started growing. We have over 12 new students that have joined just since we've moved.

In the fall I tested for my black belt in front of five masters, I was certain I was going to pee my pants due to the nervousness. But alas, I passed. I did so well on the written portion I am pretty sure a few people think I cheated. (But I didn't. I'm just awesome on written tests.) I am still in awe that I did it. It was a huge goal that I had and I made it. It took a lot of dedication and work but I made it happen with the help of Sky and my fellow students I tested with.

School has been insane, and it has been a lot of late nights and projects. But I'm loving every minute of it. Last semester I got three As, an A-, and a B+. I feel really proud of myself. This is officially my last semester before I graduate with my bachelor's degree. I can't believe I am actually here. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Life is good. Life is a crazy, messed up, blob of nervousness and excitement, and I love every minute of it. I am lucky to have the love of wonderful people in my life and the experiences that have brought me to this point and made me who I am.

Keep it real readers.

That Greasy Bean

Readers, I have been thinking a lot lately.  About who I am, who I used to be, it's been exhausting, but interesting.

I was thinking back to being an awkward preteen.  I felt like the ugliest girl in the world, or at very least, in my school.  I was covered in pimples, and hopelessly trying to cover them up with way too much makeup, no blush, and hardly any mascara.  I looked like a ghost with greasy hair and terrible teeth.  My boobs hadn't quite come in so I was just weird shaped.  I was like a chubby bean in weird clothes.

Despite my efforts to be funny and friendly (since ugly girls shouldn't be mean), I was a mess inside.  I didn't feel like I was worth anything.  That year I also got my first pair of glasses, and I went from being an invisible dowdy girl to being the dowdy girl with glasses.  I became noticed.  Which in my mind, made everything worse.  I had good friends who cared about me, and I felt lucky, but I always felt like the ugliest girl in the room.  I had one boy that occasionally flirted with me, which always made my whole day, if not my whole week.

I dreamed of growing up, my skin clearing up, finally stop looking like a bean, and figure out the whole makeup thing.  A girl can dream right?

Well, I got a little older, my small C's turned into DD's, and after some serious time with a mirror and makeup over one summer, I finally figured out what color my face was supposed to look like.  However, in my head I was still that greasy bean.

Then my grandmother moved in with us when I was 16.  She told me time and time again how no one was ever going to love me because I was so ugly and so fat.  This went on for over a year, almost every day.  That really takes its toll when you are just starting to date.  How can you get excited about a whole new world of activities you never had the opportunity to explore before when you are told almost daily that you are worth nothing?

Well, fast forward a few more years, I started going to college, and slowly I started gaining a little more confidence.  But I still kept feeling like that greasy bean.

I'm staring my 26th birthday in the face now, and I can happily say my grandmother was totally wrong about me.

I have the love of such an amazing man that my greasy bean days have grown fewer and further between.  I can look in the mirror with no makeup on and feel OK about the way I look.  Not great, not "damn I am one hot chick," but I am slowly getting there, and I hope by the time I have a daughter I can feel that good about myself.  I want to love myself as much as Sky loves me, and I want to teach my daughter and/or nieces that they are beautiful no matter what they look like.  I don't want any girl who I have any influence over to ever feel like they are less than they are.

I grew up spending a lot of time wishing that I looked different.  I would spend countless minutes staring in the mirror thinking about how much happier I would be if I was actually one of the pretty girls.  I don't want that for anyone else.  Life is too short to spend time hating yourself because you don't look exactly right.

Readers, take a minute to love yourselves today.  Do something nice for yourselves.  You earned it.

Keep it real readers.

New Year, New Challenges

Readers, as always, It has been too long.  However, I think three months isn't as bad as some of my other gaps in bloggery, but nonetheless I really need to step up.

November was great.  Thanksgiving was delicious, and I had three of them.  Well, we did.  Christmas was awesome, I was completely spoiled beyond words, and I spoiled Sky back.  I got in an argument with my mom that lasted a few days, so basically yeah, it was a holiday.

The week after Christmas always makes me a little blue.  It has as long as I can remember.  As a kid, it meant Christmas was over and I would be returning to school soon, so the remaining days of vacation always felt a little hollow after that blessed day.  As I got older, the hollowness took on a different tone.  Instead of dreading school back in session, where I would show off my latest score of new clothes and gadgetry, I was becoming acutely aware of the passage of time.  I was getting older, and those precious days that I had left of my life were diminishing slowly.  What was I doing with this time?  What was I doing with my life?  Was I doing anything worth while?  Did I do anything worth a damn this past year?

It is a pensive time for me, this week after Christmas.  I also get it the week after my birthday, but that post will come in June.  After feeling sorry for myself for not "living" the way I had hoped to (traveling, meeting new people, doing something that makes a difference, volunteer more, accomplish a huge goal, yada yada yada), I finally, around December 30th, get this newfound feeling of hope for the upcoming year.  I promise myself that I will at least take one trip that is purely for fun or to see someone that I care about that I don't see enough, or I will find a new goal and accomplish it, or I will lose 50 pounds, or I will join a cause and make a difference.

This year is black belt year.  I am being evaluated for my final review next month, and dammit, I am scared as hell.  Do I know my material?  Yes, mostly.  Can I handle the physical strain of the test?  I like to think I can, but I should really work on my cardio endurance.

Then what am I so afraid of?  I am working almost every night on something, whether it be techniques, knowledge, or just doing sit-ups in my jammies, I am doing something.  I am becoming stronger every day.

But something inside me keeps telling me I suck.

I had a long, serious talk with Sky about it last night, and I have found this new fight inside me.

I don't suck.  I may be chunky and kinda wobbly, but I don't suck.  I have to keep reminding myself of this, and I will as long as I need to.

I have started counting my calories every day with the help of an app on my phone.  Because of that, I have lost four pounds since the first of the year.  It's not much, but it's progress, and progress is progress.

Sky and I are also planning on starting a new self-defense class.  As someone who has been sexually assaulted as a teenager, and having such shitty self-esteem that I have let others take advantage of me a number of times, I am deeply passionate about self-defense.  I feel like everyone should have a basic knowledge of it, and hopefully they will never have to use it, but they will feel empowered to never let themselves be victims at the hands of another person.

So this is my year ahead.  Get my black belt, go to my cousin's wedding, teach self-defense, and take better care of my health.  I think I have covered all my bases.  Hell, maybe I will feel so good about my progress I will decide it's time to make a baby.  Maybe.

Anyway, keep it real readers.

New Things, New Thoughts, Empty Wombs

Admittedly it has been far too long.

Readers, I am on the precipice of testing for my black belt.  I'm less than a year away from entering the hallowed halls of testhood, and join the exclusive club of black beltdom.  I'm not going to lie, the prospect is exciting, but it is also terrifying.  I've seen terrible things at those tests.  Terrible things.

Sky and I both started school this past August.  This, by far, has been my favorite semester.  Evenings hulled up in our apartment, both doing homework, have been magic to me.  It makes me incredibly happy to see him working to better himself and our situation.  No lie, it is also really hot.  I know it sounds weird and perverse, but watching him pouring over his books and writing his English papers just gives me a total lady boner.  He has been working so hard and making me so proud.

Sky comes from a family where you work by the sweat of your brow, and hard work will get you places and eventually, after paying your dues, you will get your cushy job, or you will still be working yourself into the ground, but making a decent wage.  But we made the decision that if we both got our college degrees, we would not only be providing a better life for our future family, but we would also be showing that getting a college education is not just an option, but it is important and will raise the standard of living to a level that it has never been.  We want to be able to travel and see the world, and expose our future little ones to that world.  We want to see things in real life that we have only actually seen in textbooks or in movies.

We are both officially registered for spring semester, and after getting STRAIGHT A'S this semester, I am a shoo-in to have my financial aid reinstated.  I am all kinds of nerding out about my classes, and I'm loving it.  I love having a buddy, a school buddy, that is not only a friend, it is my hot sexy lover man.

Sky has been nominated to host next year's WTSDA Region 2 tournament.  He is the youngest studio owner in the region, and the youngest host I think ever.  He has been chosen!  This sounds like nothing, but this is a huge deal.  When we pull this off without a hitch and with BITCHIN' t-shirts to boot, then he will likely get his invitation into the extra super exclusive club that is the MASTERS' clinic.  That means rubbing elbows with the greats of the association, invitation to test for his 4th degree, and then invitation to test for his master's belt.  This is huge, and if anyone can do it, it is TEAM FREAKIN' GUBLER!

Now on to the empty womb.  Yes, Sky and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years now, and we don't have any tiny people or tiny people on the way.  No, we aren't trying.  No, we aren't having any "issues" with trying.  We want to be done with school and we want at least one of us to have a job that is solid and has insurance so we can take care of our children ourselves and not rely on the state to take care of them for us.  We love kids, we want kids, and we are excited to have kids, but we are waiting until we are prepared.  We also have a 26-year-old man roommate who is currently inhabiting our second bedroom, so space, needless to say, is lacking for a nursery and a tiny person to be in it.  Yes, we are doing it the right way.  It is happening when we are prepared.

Well, it's late.

Keep it real readers.

shrinking, Shrinking, SHRINKING!!!

Take a moment to take in the irony of my title, readers.


Love it.

Anyway, yes, I have begun a new weight loss project.  It is called "Project KA."

I should explain the name.  Sky has this t-shirt from our honeymoon from when we went to the Cirque show "KA."  It is a small men's medium, and Sky, in all his awesome manliness, has begun to outgrow it.  It is still a bitchin' t-shirt though, and I decided that it would be awesome to be able to fit into it.

So as of the first of the year, changes started happening.  I stopped eating late, I cut out sweets (except for Girl Scout cookies, but who can say no to those?)  I started pushing myself harder in karate, especially since while my foot was broken I happened to gain eight pounds.

I felt like a bloated, puffy, sad version of myself.  I felt uglier than my usual amount of feeling ugly, and I needed to stop these feelings.

The end of February rolled around, and after an old coworker of mine told me that this nodiet.com stuff actually worked for her and a few of her coworkers, I decided what the heck.  I'm going to try it.

I started taking it a week ago, and I have to tell you, it does actually work.  I lost an inch and a quarter off my waist alone.  In ONE WEEK.  I'm trying to slim down so that I can start more high impact supplemental exercise without worrying I'm going to blow out my knees or my back.  (example:  running impacts your knees and feet with 5x your body weight with every step)  Plus, a sweaty average-to-thin person looks considerably less pathetic than a sweaty fat person, right?

Right.

I feel like this is something I can do.  It's something I can control, since I have so little control everywhere else in my life.

In other news, my mother gave art back to me today.

For the longest time, I wanted to be an artist.  I wanted to see things that I had made hung up in various places, that I could take pride in.  I wanted to explore my own experiences and emotions and share them with others in ways that words couldn't.  But alas, as a child, Richard was the artist in our family.  He would draw all day and his work would end up on the refrigerator.  Then we got to be older.  I won a few little contests in my classes for drawing contests and coloring contests, and I thought I was pretty good.  Then Robert brought home his first welding sculpture.  Now Robert was the artist, and all though high school, and now in college, Robert is the artist in the family.  He is studying art photography, and he is currently the artist in residence at Zion National Park.  I went from the singer, to the violinist, to the brain, to the martial artist, to the married one.  Never the artist.  All this despite the fact that the artist in our family still asks MY advice on his work on how to make something better.  When I mentioned I thought about being an artist, I was laughed at by multiple family members, and told that I could never do anything worthwhile with it.

"It's more of a hobby.  You should major in something you can make money in and then do art in your spare time."

I didn't realize how badly those words hurt me, and led me down a path of eight years worth of indecisive undergrad work, because I had to find something I could "make money doing for a living" that wasn't going to suck the life out of me.

Then today, my mom was looking at a piece that I had done in one of my art classes a few years ago, and asked me something that jarred me to my very core.

"Did I take your art away from you?"

Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that I never felt more passionate about my studies than when I was making art.  I stopped taking art because I felt like, as the "brainy" one, I had to get a degree in something scientific or lucrative in order to gain or maintain any respect from my family.  I had to "buckle down," and "stop having fun and get serious."

She told me that if it was something that I was passionate about, then I should go after it.  Money wasn't an issue as long as I was chasing my passion.

I feel so free, and so conflicted now.

Keep it real readers.

Hate, Venting, Self-Loathing, Etc.

Well readers, I admit it has been far too long since my last post.  As all of my postings are, they are too few and far between.

I've been lost in a sea of my own thoughts, and I find that if I immerse myself too long in the slow, lazy waves of that huge sea of introspection, I have a tendency to get all kinds pruney in the form of wrinkly introspection.

I find myself looking in the mirror for a ridiculous amount of time.  Why?  Why do I do this?  Why do I have to stand and analyze the different things about my face and my body?  I don't necessarily look at the things I would change, or the things I hate, or even the things I like about myself.  I just....stare.

Geez I sound so self-absorbed.  It seems the time I get the most self-loathing done is during times when I can't actually see myself.  Lying in bed, showering, driving, checking the mail, just random times like that.

This is the asinine truth of it all.  I hear at least once a day from random strangers that I am beautiful.  I have beautiful hair, deliciously smooth skin, a wonderful smile, a nice rack, I've literally heard it all, and continue to hear it on a regular basis.  I think I was an ugly, chubby little girl, and then an ugly, awkward teenager for so long, that when I finally grew up and my acne cleared up and I started to curve out, I guess I missed it.  I would have loved nothing more than to have woken up one day and noticed it all.

I suppose when you are teased and your life is made miserable by multiple people over the course of several years, you just start thinking that well, maybe their right, and no amount of makeup or silly clothes or loud laughter or batting eyelashes will change the way you feel about yourself.

I kind of hate that I hate myself.

I hate how people feel like they have to be defined by something about them.  People go to conferences and workshops to be with people who are defined by this one thing.  I have cysts on my ovaries, that hardly means that I will attend conferences so I can embrace this single facet of who I am.  I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, but that hardly means that my feelings of self worth are wrapped up in a few digits that flash on the scale I'm standing on, and I have to sit in a circle talking about the things I eat every day.  I have reddish hair, but that doesn't mean I have to attend a ginger convention.

I am a complex human being.  I don't believe in participating in certain activities merely because they have to do with a singular fact about me.  Why can't I just enjoy who I am, and do things that maybe have nothing to do with me just for the sake of doing them?  Why do I have to pretend to be interested in every crash diet that some girl comes to me bragging about because she lost four pounds of water weight in three days and she feels like it's actual fat?  I'm sorry I don't feel this sense of sisterhood with other overweight women.  I just don't.  I never have.

Alright, I feel like this post is going nowhere.  I just had to vent somewhere about what has been going on in my head so I can feel a sense of relief from what has been inside me for a little too long.

Keep it real readers.

Operating On Partial Cylinders

Well readers, as most of you know, I broke my foot over conference weekend.  It's a hairline fracture on the 5th metatarsle bone near the base.  In normal people speak, it is on the pinky side of my foot.

Anyway, when I found out, I cried.  A lot.  On Sky's shoulder.  I was devastated.  I've never had anything quite like this happen to me before.  It's my first serious injury.  Don't get me wrong, I've gotten hairline fractures before, but they were in my wrist.  Not in the foot I normally use to drive.

So, the last few weeks Sky has been my driver, my wheelchair pusher when we go shopping, and all-around Godsend.  It's times like these I know that I definitely made the right decision marrying him.  He helped me take my first few baths (as stipulated by the doctor because I am not allowed to put any weight on it for the first two weeks I'm in the boot.), he helped me figure out how to get around in this stupid boot I'm stuck in.

Seriously, I think it weighs like 10 pounds.

The plus side to all of this is I am finally catching up on my housework and homework, since I still have about 5 more days before I am cleared to work on my feet (limited) and hobble around campus again, I have a little more free time than usual for the next little while.

Well, an important stipulation for me healing is plenty of rest, so I guess I'd better hit the hay.

Keep it real readers.

Back From The Brink

Well readers, it's good to be alive after coming to the end of a crazy week like mine.

Sunday was pretty low-key.  Mostly chillin' with my honey bunny.

Monday was Labor Day, and I was hoping that all would be well.  Free breakfast, looking at appliances ridiculously on sale, playing around town enjoying my day off with Sky, but alas, it was far more interesting than that.

We got up around 7 am so we could be on time to the free breakfast at Boulevard Home Furnishings.  We let our Sally out and fed her breakfast, then we got all ready to go.  Sky mentioned since it was still cool out we would take his car.  I got in on the passenger side, adjusted the seat because I felt oddly too close to the dash (which turned out to be a little intuitive) and buckled my seat belt, which I only do about half the time.

We made it out of our parking lot, down the street, around the corner, and the glaring early morning sun was hitting just the right spot on our windshield, and I looked down for a minute when I heard the honk.

I looked up just before the front of our car smashed into the front of a red Mitsubishi Gallant.  It turns out we went a little too wide when going around a car parked on the side of the road, but due to the glare we couldn't see how far over we had gone.  I screamed as he slammed on the brakes.  My head flicked forward as my knees bashed against the dash.

I sat in shock for a few minutes, as Sky swore under his breath, asking me what I should do.  I remembered on the back of most insurance cards there are instructions for when you are in an accident.  (That is a key thing to remember.  The back of your insurance cards people!)

I rattled off one step after another with shaking hands and a quivering voice.  I felt so sick.  I just wanted to be anywhere but sitting in that car.  My head was spinning.  My knees were sore.  I told Sky to call 911 as I realized I couldn't see.  My glasses had flown off my face and fallen on the floor of the car.  I put them back on my face and said I needed air and I stumbled out of the car.  At that point I had a rush of what had just happened.  We got in a car accident.  We hit another car.  Head-on.  If I hadn't moved the seat, I could have broken one of my legs.  If I hadn't buckled my seat belt, I would have bashed my face on the dash.  Things could have been so much worse.

After the police officer came, (there was no ambulance because no one was injured, thank goodness!) and we finished with our statements and signed all our forms, we decided we were going to still go to The Boulevard, where we found that the washer and dryer that, after much study and reading reviews and comparing features was the perfect fit for what we were looking for, was in our price range, and we got a screaming deal on it.  They are a beautiful pair of silver Electroluxes.  They are our first major appliance purchase we have ever made, and we are looking forward to a long relationship filled with clean fluffy clothes.

I have named them Mork and Mindy.

Later that day I made a piece of artwork for the front bathroom, framed two certificates and a poster and hung them in the office, and Sky and I made a wreath for Halloween.

Tuesday I woke up super sick.  The worst cold I have ever experienced.  It knocked me on my butt, and I couldn't get my shift covered at LB, so I showed up all kinds of stuffed up and delirious and tired.  I got someone to come in for the last two hours of my shift, so I fell asleep after downing chicken noodle soup and rolls.  I ended up waking up every hour or so after that, then around 5 am I had to go work at the rec center.  I had a fever, I was sicker than I was the day before, and I was completely out of it.

My boss came in around 9:30 and told me I looked awful and sent me home.  I slept for the next five hours.

When I woke up, my fever had broken, I felt more alert, stronger, and I got up, got dressed, and paid my car payment.  Then I was exhausted, and slept for another hour and a half.

Today I feel better, like I'm finally on the mend.

Anyway, tomorrow I make my gallant return to school.  I am looking forward to it, and I should probably get ready for bed.  But first I have to pull the load of whites out of Mindy and put them into Mork.

Keep it real readers.

School Started, and Some Baby Talk

Well readers, as usual, it has been far too long since my last post.

School started last week, and I am happy to say I am back in the classroom this semester.  I am enrolled full time, and add that to my two jobs that I have, I am a very busy woman indeed.  I find if I am super busy it is easier to keep up with everything I need to do.  As they say, here goes nothing...

Financial aid, as usual, has been a total lifesaver.  We paid off some debts we had, finally whipped our office into shape, and got a much needed software update.  House-wise, all that is left is getting the rest of our boxes unpacked.  Sadly they are mostly only half-packed now, and a lot of what is still in boxes is books, which now have a new home on our bookshelf.

Peach days starts today, and I am excited we are going.  We are still trying to decide whether or not to take Sally, because she is due to go into heat any day, and we aren't ready to have granddogs yet.  I'm just excited to see my mom more than anything.  I haven't seen her in weeks.

Sky and I have made it another month without getting pregnant.  Needless to say I am very happy about that.  Granted, the idea of having a little us becomes increasingly less horrifying the longer we are together, but I'm still just not quite ready to be a mom.  We are talking about trying when I am done with school or within a semester of being done with school.

So there's a timeline for you.  I know some people out there are starting to worry because we have been married over a year and still no talk of a little Gubler on the way.  We just aren't really in a hurry to start a family.  We are only 24.  There is plenty of time to make a baby still.

Anyway, I am now in my Lifespan Development class, and I think it's best to pay attention.  Coincidentally, we are talking about conception today.

Keep it real readers.

Oddly Deep Insight From an ABC Family Movie...

Well readers, get ready for a trip.

A few nights ago, I was folding laundry when I decided to thumb through Netflix to find something to watch to pass the time, when a title called "My Future Boyfriend" popped up.  I thought to myself, "What the heck, it's kinda short, so I might as well."  It turned out to be an ABC Family original movie, starring the deliciously curvaceous Sarah Rue (I have a thing for redheads, what can I say?) so I decided to stick it out.

It's about a man from 1000 years in the future where love doesn't exist anymore, and everyone is ruled by reason and logic.  It was all very Vulcan.  However, this man discovers an old romance novel, reads it, and has all kinds of questions that no one seems to have the answers to.  So he decides to travel back in time to the year 2011 to meet the author and receive all these answers about love and sex.  Anyway he meets the author, and in his pursuit for knowledge and understanding of foreign concepts, he ends up falling in love with her.

Where I found my insight was at an interesting point.  The author becomes engaged to her longtime boyfriend, and while future man is bemoaning the loss of this woman he has fallen for, who has also fallen for him, but feels stuck because she has been with this man she is engaged to for so long, author woman's coworker talks about how author woman met her boyfriend.  They met when he caught her hat just before it fell into a river on a windy day.  He says, "Sometimes falling in love is about being in the right place at the right time to find that right person."

Then my brain exploded.

If I hadn't gone to that party at the end of May 2010 at Lindsay Ferrin's house, and played "Baby do you love me," and felt this strange spark inside of me as I leaned in close to Skyler's face, I don't know where I would be now.  If I hadn't gone to the movies a few weeks after that with my friend Cherisa to see the karate kid, I wouldn't have sat next to him and shared my apple chips and talked to him the whole time, which led me to want to hug him at the end of the night.  Three weeks after that was our first date, and five months after that he asked me to marry him.

Sometimes you just have to let yourself be led, because next thing you know, you are standing in front of the one person who will love you in spite of yourself, who will hold you when you are upset no matter how much you thrash and fight to allow you to calm down.

Well readers, that's all for me.

Keep it real.

Playing Catch-up

Well readers, I admit it has been far too long since I have updated my blog.  Let's catch you up to speed, shall we?

Well, Sky and I have moved into a charming little apartment in St. George, and it doesn't look like much on the outside, but it is quite fantastic on the inside, if I do say so myself.  :-)  Pictures will be posted to Facebook soon I promise.  We have been slowly adding to our living room area to make it more of a home for us, and it is looking amazing.

We got a puppy in March.  Her name is Sally Mae, and she is a fun little ball of energy.  She is a Yorkie-Poodle mix, and she is utterly adorable.  We love her very much, and for now, she is as much kid as we can handle.

I got a job working for the Recreation Division for the city of St. George, and while it was daunting to start out with, I am really getting pretty good at it, and I really enjoy my coworkers.  I'm still at Lane Bryant, but I took a second job to help bring in some extra moolah for the time being.

Sky quit his job at Ashley Furniture for a full-time position at the school district.  He is one of a handful of full-time custodians in the district, which means better pay, and even more exciting, benefits.  :-)  Very happy time for the Gubler house.

Things have been a little tight for us, but our struggles have made our relationship stronger, and we are closer than ever.  I love my man more and more every day, and I continue to feel like the luckiest girl in the world because he's mine.

I promise not all of my future posts will not be this glazed over.  I just wanted to catch you all out.

Keep it real readers.

Finally On Our Own!

Oh my gosh readers, it has been way too long, and I must apologize.

First of all, let me happily announce that we have finally moved into our own place!  It is in a development made of duplexes and it is quite fantastic.  Of course, I live there so I'm a little biased.  We have turned it into a wonderful little home for us, and it is slowly becoming more and more wonderful every day.  We got two cats named Teddie and Gus, and they are our kids for now.  They are great little buddies and we love them a lot.

After a lot of thought and soul searching, I decided to change my major to Psychology, and drop this current semester to help Sky pay off some of our bills before he starts school in August.  I will graduate next May with my BS, and the following fall I will be enrolling in graduate school to get my Master's in School Psychology.  Holla!

Sky is still working himself to the bone, and in the meantime, I am working on finding a second job to get some more hours, and more importantly, more money.

We are loving living on our own.  I found out that I am fantastic at cooking and keeping a clean house.  The funniest part about all of it is a number of family members were positive that I would be living in squalor and I would let my husband starve to death or make him live on bologna sandwiches.  In their faces!

BAM! I rock this wife thing.

At any rate, we are facing the future on our own, and we are relying on each other like real live big people.

Again, I'm sorry for how long it has been.

Keep it real readers.

Still Learning I Guess...

OK readers, I admit it has been FAR too long since I last posted.  (Cringe for impact of rotten fruit) But life has been, in a word, nuts.

Let me catch you up since the last post.

First of all, the tournament in Phoenix was really great, and I took two bronze.  Go me!  Sky took two bronze and a silver.  Go babe!  One of Sky's black belts took Junior Grand Champion, which basically means she was the best competitor under 18.  She's freakin' amazing to watch.  Go Kelsy!

The house we were supposed to move into dissolved before our eyes.  The landlords disappeared, as did their "For Rent" sign.  The house still sits empty.  We found an amazing townhouse right by the college later that month, and it turned out to be income-based, and well, we made barely too much money.  Then we found a house by Quail Lake that seemed great.  Good space, decent location, slightly more expensive than we initially planned, but still doable.  We were supposed to move in November15th.  Then the 20th.  Then, for sure the tenants were going to be moved out and the carpets would be cleaned by the 27th.  Well, then they officially said December 3rd.  When the 27th rolled around and we still hadn't moved, it was time to do some serious thinking.  Was this worth our time and all our money that would be folded into utility deposits and first month's rent and security deposit?  Was it?  Right before Christmas?  Well, as we pondered this together, and included a little guidance from the Big Guy Upstairs, we began feeling worse and worse about the situation, so we called the landlord, and politely and apologetically let her know our decision.

So we are spending Christmas in the Gubler basement.  We will find our perfect place shortly after the new year, and hopefully in a little less debt.  I was almost devastated at first, but as the decision has sunk in and I've been working through everything with Sky, I'm feeling better about it all the time.  There is some reason why we still have to be here, and I guess I'm still learning what it is.

Happy side note, Sky and I will be married seven months on the 13th, and we are still not pregnant.  *Happy Dance!*

Other than that, and school basically sucking the life out of me, life is pretty good for ol' Mrs. Goob.  I love Sky more and more every day, he makes me laugh all the time, and I'm really enjoying work right now.  In spite of everything, I still manage to find my happiness.  Granted, I have my gloomy days, but all in all I'm happy.  I got my best friend and partner in crime at my side, and together we can do anything.  :-)

Keep it real readers.

So Much...

Well readers, next weekend Sky and I are travelling down to Phoenix for a region karate championship, which I am super excited for, and at the same time I'm super nervous.  I've never competed in anything like this before and I'm freaking out just a little.  :-p  Sky has complete faith in me though, and if he has faith in me then I must not be nearly as mediocre as I think I am.

We're still figuring out the particulars of the trip, but hopefully that will all be ironed out this week.

The weekend after that we are hoping to finally move into OUR OWN PLACE!!!  We found this adorable little house by the temple, and the landlords seem really nice.  It's not going to be anything fancy, and it has a few interesting little quirks, but it will be ours, and that makes it perfect.  Right now we are just busting our tails to save up the deposit and rent for the first month.

With all this extra working, we have hardly gotten to see each other, and the few minutes we do, we are usually doing something like seeing a piece of furniture that someone has for sale or seeing a few friends we haven't seen in a while, or he's sleeping.  I miss him so much it's insane.  I think I'm going to finally bite the bullet and go to Biolife and sell some plasma.  Getting stuck with a needle to take some pressure off of Sky is worth it.  I've scheduled an appointment, and I'm scared out of my mind, but hundreds if not thousands of people are doing it every week, so it must not be all bad.  I haven't told Sky yet because if I don't go through with it he will be disappointed.  Again.

I'm just trying to man up a little for the next few months.  They are going to be tough and I have to be brave.

Keep it real readers.

Surviving...

Well readers, I'm rounding out my third week of school, and so far so good.  I fell a little bit behind due to my first cold in almost a year and a half, but I am gallantly making my way back into being on top of my school work.  Work is going fine.  It makes for a bit of juggling, but it keeps me on my toes, and I appreciate that to be honest.  Sky and I had an opportunity to have a whole weekend alone, which was magnificent.  I got to make dinner for my husband and be an awesome little wifey.  I loved it.  Walking all over the house in my undies is awesome.  We are apartment hunting later this afternoon, so that little taste I had over the weekend of what married life really could be will be an every day reality.  My own kitchen, where I know where everything is.  I can't wait!  I love cooking and baking.

I love embracing my weirdness.  I've really let it hang out since I've been with Sky, and since we've been married it has really been great.  He loves me.  Even my weirdness.  All of it.  And I love him and all of his weirdness too.  I don't think I have ever been quite this happy in my life.  Not even as a kid.

However, I went off of one of my psychotropic medications a few weeks ago.  It was the longest week of my life.  I got dizzy and paranoid, and I felt so...ugly.  Every day was worse than the previous.  I finally had to call the pharmacy and get it filled.  By the end of the night I felt less dizzy.  Two days later I felt calm.  Then I felt happy and normal.

I'm so happy for better living through chemistry.

There is no shame in antidepressants.

Keep it real readers.

Last Day of Summer

Well readers, this is my last day of summer.  Tomorrow I start my sixth year of college.  Yeah.  Sixth year.  It took me a long time to find my major.

I'm a little excited, but a little nervous.

Marriage is still awesome, and Sky continues to show me every day that he is definitely my perfect match.  I love him more now than I did the day we got married.  We just get along better and better every day.

Sky's job at Ashley has been guaranteed full time, and that means next month he'll be earning commission on top of his hourly wage. That means we are looking at being able to afford our own apartment.  (Happy dance)  I can't wait until we have our own space and I get to actually take care of my husband the way I've wanted to all along.  Cook for him, have everything exactly the way I want it, not worry about having to be ninja quiet when "the mood" strikes, etc..

In all, life is pretty good.  I have a lot to look forward to, and I'm a lucky girl.  I have a great husband, and he is my best friend and my partner in crime.

Keep it real readers.

Playing Catch-up

Readers, it has been far too long.  Sky and I have been married an awesome two-and-a-half months.  We have had our adjustment period, which is an ongoing process, and despite the craziness of blending my life with someone else's, we have had an amazing time.  We are blending well, we have our adult conversations about serious stuff, and we spend the rest of our time snuggling and laughing and kissing and just having fun together.  We are making a lot of progress financially and we are hoping to get into our own place in September.

Readers, can I just say I highly enjoy marriage.  I love having a teammate that I can count on at all times to be on my side, and my best friend lying next to me at night.  I love having a husband who has only been with me, and who I have only been with.  I look at him every day and know that we gave each other everything, and knowing that makes me so happy.

The only weird part about being married is how your relationships with your friends change.  Then there are the "Holy crap I'm married!" moments.  Those are cool though.  It's an amazing feeling of incredulousness and happiness and awe.  I look down at my hand and see my ring and feel this whole "whoa" feeling.

I am so happy.  :-)  I have a built-in date to everything now, and he's someone I get to go home with every night, and never have to say goodbye to.

Keep it real readers.  Don't forget to be awesome.  :-)

A Time Of Adjustment

Well readers, it's been a little over a month since I became Karen Gubler, and it's been quite a ride.  A lot of adjustments for sure.  Sky has been amazing, and he's been working so hard so we can get on our feet and get out on our own.  I'm trying everything I can to help out, pulling extra hours at work, looking into selling my bodily fluids (i.e. Plasma), and when I'm home I keep up on laundry and keeping our little place clean so that at very least he will keep having clean clothes and a comfortable place to sleep during the few moments he is actually home.

I've been looking for another job to either replace or supplement my current job so that I can make more money so he doesn't have to work as hard.  If we both worked 40-50 hours a week instead of me working 20-30 and him working 60-70, I think he would feel like I really was doing my part to help us.  If I got a better-paying job that would be even more income then we could feel a little bit better about our situation.

Other than our financial situation, Sky and my relationship has gotten so much closer.  I love him more now than I ever thought I could.  I'm so happy he's the only one.  We've given everything of ourselves to each other, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  That being said, we're adjusting to our changing relationships with our families as we create our own.  It hasn't been easy for me.  Living directly under his parents makes it hard when you are trying to start a life together, but luckily our stay here is temporary.

Luckily we have a lot of love for each other, and when we're together we are pretty awesome.

I love being his wife and having him with me forever.

Keep it real readers.

Married Two Weeks

Well readers, it's been a while since my last post.  Let me just bring you up to speed on what's been going on in my life.  First of all, I GOT MARRIED!  Our sealing was beautiful, and after lots of pictures we finally got to see our hotel room for the night.  After laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling for about 20 minutes, we had to head out to La Verkin for a big family dinner.

Our first act as a married couple?  Changing in front of each other.  It was pretty intense.  After that we ate, then we went back to his place where he did homework and I took a nap on our bed.

Later that night we headed back to our hotel, and spent our first night together.  I'm not going to go into detail, but I will tell you that any sense of body shame or awkwardness I thought I'd feel I didn't feel at all.  I was with my best friend and the love of my life, and that day he became my husband.  I had no reason to be ashamed of anything.  It was a beautiful night.

The next day was our reception.  It was magnificent.  Everything went almost perfectly, and I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful event.  That night we headed to Vegas for our honeymoon.

It was a wild five days to say the least.  We stayed at Circus Circus, which in and of itself was interesting.  Every day we saw and did as much as we could, and we crawled into bed every night exhausted.  We had lots of fun together, and all I kept thinking every time I looked at him was, "Wow, he's mine.  We're together forever.  No matter what happens we're going to be together."  All that fear I had before we were married of losing him, or him losing me was gone, because now we're married.  He'll always be with me, even if something happened to him and he couldn't be with me physically.  That knowledge moves me to tears even now as I'm typing this.

Married life so far has been so amazing.  Waking up next to my best friend, cuddling up to him, being with him all the time, making love to him, planning budgets and organizing our little place and dreaming about our future together, all of this is amazing.  I love my husband so much!  Furthermore, I love calling him my husband!  I love changing all of my information over to Karen Gubler, and writing my new signature.

I'm so happy I feel like I might explode.

Keep it real readers.  Don't forget to be awesome.

Circling The Drain

Well readers, we have officially hit the single digits in the countdown to my wedding day.  All I can say is HOLY CRAP!!!

I feel like I just got engaged a week ago, and a little over a week from now I'll be Karen F. Gubler.  I was interviewed by the bishop today for my temple recommend, and when he handed me that piece of paper, it was a bittersweet moment.  It all sunk in for me.  I was leaving the singles' ward I had grown to love like a second family.  Moreso than that, I was leaving Karen F. Curl behind.  In nine days, I will walk inside the temple, and a few hours later I will walk out with a new last name, a husband, a wedding ring, and a piece of paper saying that I belong to him forever.  I will have a new home, a new family, and after that day, a new life.

On the other side of the coin, I get to begin life anew, with my best friend by my side.  He will love and protect me for the rest of my existence, and together we will start this amazing adventure.  We will rely on one another for love, support, relief, laughter, and fun.  After next Friday, I will no longer just be a daughter and a sister.  I will be a wife, and eventually, I will be a mother.  That is really blowing my mind.

Tonight is my bridal shower, and while I know it will be fun, I'm still just feeling the mind-blowing reality that my whole life is about to change in one day.

Wow.  Let's do this.  :)

Keep it real readers.  Don't forget to be awesome.