Sick, Dying, Dead.

My second flu this winter. I can't believe it.

Thanks to cold crappy weather, a job where I touch trillions of bacteria a day, and the fact I come in contact with thousands of people a week during this, cold and flu season, I am now sitting in my parents' living room, sniffling and sneezing and coughing away, pretty much hating life.

A week ago I wasn't nearly this miserable.

Last Tuesday for dear Colby Lars' birthday, we surprised him with National Pancake Day at IHOP. Talk about awesome. Pair a free stack of buttermilk pancakes with a side of bacon, and you've got yourself a pretty wicked breakfast. Add that to getting up at the crack of darkness, on top of peeking through frost-covered car windows to see if the coast is clear for the driver to turn, figuring out how to connect to the secure wi-fi at school, surfing Facebook while sitting in my boring SpEd class, and you've got yourself a pretty awesome DAY.

The next day I felt very empty and alone. I kept asking myself why, in this whole town, I can't find myself one person who loves me, who wants to be with me. What was so wrong with me that I couldn't find that for myself? People left and right around me were finding people and falling in love and getting married and having babies, and yet, I was still single, finding younger or weirder friends.

I also started getting sick during this. And here we are. Sick.

I took two tests under the influence of codeine cough syrup on Thursday. I'm pretty sure I tanked both of them.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be on the mend so I can actually enjoy this time I'm at home.

Keep it real readers.

Long Days, Long Nights

I'm currently coming at you from across town from my apartment, on Heather's computer. She's sitting here next to me, studying for her Microbiology test. Fun times right? I feel a little less than useless watching her plug away at facts and definitions while I play on her computer, which is turning into something rather humorous because every time I sign her out of something, I apologize profusely. I can't help it.

Anyway, I find myself in a weird place right now. For the first time in what feels like years, no one is catching my eye. I have no one on my mind making me want to look pretty every day--that is, other than myself.

It should be something that makes me feel relieved, or liberated, but alas it's not. It leaves me feeling oddly...empty. It leaves me lying in bed at night, wondering why I haven't found someone yet. I think it's because I want to be with someone. I want to be loved by someone, and love them back. It's something that has often eluded me in my life, but it is something I have experienced in some degree.

I just wish someone could catch my eye again like they used to.

Maybe I just need to open my eyes a little wider.

I am taking steps to do that. Broaden my horizons, see further than I used to.

I'm happy.

Keep it real readers.

Magnificent weekend, only to be followed by a crazy week...

Wild days. I had a whole relationship that ended in the past week, reconnected with some amazing old friends, and designed a web page.

This past three-day weekend I went to the land down under, also known as the metropolis of Hurricane. I always forget how much I love being home until I'm there.

The weekend started with a trip to Wal-Mart with my mom to pick out a new entertainment center...for the new flat screen TV that my dad bought a few days previous. Talk about a wicked awesome surprise! I spent the rest of the evening catching up on my TiVo and relishing the High-Def picture I was experiencing. This promptly turned into something much more spectacular when the Olympics Opening Ceremonies began. Talk about awesome.

Saturday began very early. Before it was even 9 am, I was dressed and getting ready for the Presidents' Day Weekend tradition of THE ST. GEORGE PARADE OF HOMES. My mom enlisted my dad as our driver, and with much gratitude to him at fulfilling his duties with the utmost of competency, he managed to keep us happy, fed, and he got us to see 12 houses in a mere four and a half hours. Magnificent.

Thanks to such a wildly great day, it was pizza night in the Curl house.

Sunday I woke up around noon, talked to Leslie about her misadventures of the day while squealing at her excellent success in inviting someone she's had her eye on for quite a while to our movie night coming up, which spurred me on to get my butt in gear to figure out who I'm going to invite, and after all of this, I bonded with my dad over some Olympic greatness. Mom and I got out to see four more houses in the Parade, and to cap off the night, my brothers and I made a midnight run to Alberto's for some burritos and taquitos before heading over to our buddy's (I call him 'Papi,' but his name is Brandon. Long story) house to watch 500 Days of Summer. My second time watching it. Definitely worth it. It only gets better.

Monday was the most wild. The brothers wanted to come along for the last eight houses on the Parade, so Mom bought them a ticket to share, I got this wickedly sexy dress for a steal of a price. Also, I began compiling my costume for the upcoming Superhero dance at the institute (I'm going as Batgirl, of course), and after a few pitfalls creatively, I really had quite a coup when I found the ultimate pair of crime-fighter worthy stiletto boots for a measly $14.00 at Payless.

After a few pathetic attempts to sew a utility belt out of heavy interfacing and broadcloth (looking for yellow vinyl this time of year can be a real bitch.), I decided to go back to the drawing board for that one. I'll figure something out. I still have four days to finish assembling my cape, paint the Bat symbol on my top, figure out the belt situation, find face paint (for my mask), and find a pair of long black gloves.

I think I can do it.

Then on top of that I have to ask someone out for movie night on Saturday, study up for a test on Wednesday, help make treats for movie night, go grocery shopping, help clean the bathroom, hide Leslie's mirror that is living in the front room, get used to wearing contacts again before Friday night, wish my parents a happy anniversary (24 years!) and master the art of seduction...

Anyway, that's all for now readers.

Keep it real.

Best Friend to Boyfriend

So readers, yes it is true. I have me a squeeze!

After a few days of thinking, I decided it was worth a shot to date my best friend, so as of 2 am Saturday morning, I am officially one-half of a relationship. The first few days were amazing. Pure awesomeness. Then things started to get weird.

When I said "let's try," I had made the decision to be what he needed. I wanted to make it work between us. However, in all the awesomeness that began to ensue, I think he began to struggle with the transition from being my best friend to being my boyfriend.

Truth be told, it spooked him, and he didn't tell me. So I began wondering what I was doing wrong. What I could do to fix what was going on with him. Then my dear friend Rachelle opened my eyes.

There really is nothing I can do. He has to come to me when he's really ready. I just have to wait. It's harder when I want to spend every day with him.

I just wish he could trust himself that this could be great. He made a good decision. He needs me.

I know he's afraid of ruining the amazing friendship we've had for so long, but if it has the potential of being something really great, doesn't it deserve to become that?

He can't let go and just believe.

So I'm waiting for him to come back to me.

In the meantime, keep it real readers.

Tempted By The Fruit of Another, And Another, And Another...

I'm in a bit of a quandry.

I've been really great friends with this guy for almost nine years. We tell each other everything, we're always there for each other, we have a lot in common, he's one of my best friends. That's all we've ever been. That's all I ever saw us as.

The other night he came over and we talked about everything as usual. Then we started talking about us, and he said he'd been thinking about being more than friends, about wondering if we can make a great thing even better.

I love him, he's one of my best friends, but I never thought of anything more happening. It really made me think. Is there more between us? Would it work?

I slept on it, and by around 4:00 I'd decided I was going to go for it. I was going to give an "us" a chance.

Then I ran into a guy that I recently went out with, and I kind of have a thing for, and I was confused all over again.

What should I do?

Any suggestions?

Keep it real.

Very Little Is Going Wrong

I don't think life can actually get much better for me. Well, it actually can, but the things I'M in control of are going pretty great. My roommates are magnificent, and other than the occasional spat and cattiness that comes from living with women, we get along great. As far as I know I'm still on the outside of said spats, which is nice. I feel safe, and that I live with three women who have my back, who won't put me in danger.

One of my best friends who I've been kind of on the outs with in recent weeks due to a bit of a spat of our own and I have reconciled, and I must say it's nice to have him back. Things felt weird when we weren't talking. It's good to have you back Andrew!

My classes, well at least the majority of them are great. I look forward to them and I love what I'm learning. More than anything though, I'd really like to just get DONE. This is my fourth year of college. Enough is E-FREAKING-NOUGH!

Hehe.

Work is going well. I think one of my supervisors doesn't like me very much, but according to one of my favorite coworkers, Lynae, I'm not the only one she doesn't like. I should gather those other student workers together and we'll start a club. We'll have t-shirts and everything.

That would be awesome.

I officially fit back into my old pants. No small feat if you ask me. It's nice to feel a size smaller. Even better to look a size smaller.

The only think I wish was going better was the love department. I wish I had someone who was mine, that was more than my friend. But what single girl doesn't want that? I look at my married friends and feel left behind. I miss hanging out with them, and I miss the relationships I had with them. Unfortunately they have moved on to the next chapter of their life, so we don't have a whole lot in common anymore.

Part of me feels like if I found someone, I would finally to also be able to start writing that next chapter, and I could have those friends back in my life again.

The other part of me just wants to cuddle and kiss on a regular basis.

Can you blame me?

Anyway, keep it real readers.